Imposter Syndrome (im-pos-ter sin-drohm):
Noun. anxiety or self-doubt that results from persistently undervaluing one’s competence and active role in achieving success, while falsely attributing one’s accomplishments to luck or other external forces.
dictionary.com
I struggled with imposter syndrome for a long time. From the start of my application process, to even now, I have felt overwhelming bouts of imposter syndrome.
Imposter Syndrome With My Application
When deciding what schools I wanted to apply to, I grappled with self-doubt. Trying to figure out what schools I thought I could get into was overwhelming to say the least. Given my somewhat above-average GPA, zero observation hours, and GRE scores, I was consumed with self-doubt. I imagined faculty sitting in a room, taking one look at my application, and laughing at the fact that I even applied. I knew this was not what was happening. But, the fear made the process of applying to schools that much harder.
The Power of One Advisor
I spoke to my favorite advisor, who oversaw my work with leadership programming and development. Talking to her, I realized I was far too focused on where I thought I was lacking in my application. I was ignoring the overwhelming amount of positive aspects of my application.
She pointed out that I held over 10 leadership positions during my 4 years at SIUE. Not to mention my experiences like LeaderShape Institute, professional development opportunities, and leadership workshops. She reminded me that grad schools often look at applicants with a holistic approach. This advisor pointed out that even though I didn’t have PT observation hours, there were plenty other competitive qualities in my application. I had a 150-hour volunteer internship in training and fitness where I learned how to run a business and implement an exercise program. I also gained important interpersonal communication skills. She told me to reflect on those experiences and include them in my application.
I attribute the bout of courage I got to apply to larger, more prestigious schools like NYU, Duke, and Washington University in St. Louis, to that advisor and that conversation we had about my ability to accomplish more than I thought I could.
Family Support
When I finally got my acceptance to several of the schools I applied to, I felt immense excitement. However, I still felt large amounts of self-doubt. I felt like there was a mistake in the system. I was going to get a call any minute confirming that. It was at this point that I have my grandfather and my parents to thank. They reminded me that I worked hard for 4 years, to earn those acceptances. They told me that the interviews that I had with those schools let them see my passion for this field. It allowed the schools to see my passion and drive to become a doctor of physical therapy.
Imposter Syndrome Starting at NYU
When I started NYU’s Doctor of Physical Therapy program, I faced the largest bout of imposter syndrome. I was under the assumption that I was surrounded by students who were smarter and better than me. One of our professors was the one who reassured our class that we were all chosen to be here for a reason. Every single person in this class was deserving to be there. We all worked for and earned our place at NYU.
Although this professor helped reassure us and encourage us, the feeling of being an imposter never went away completely. For relief from this feeling, I continue to look to friends, classmates, and those in the cohorts ahead of me. My classmates, especially Haley, constantly remind me that I deserve to be at NYU DPT and I try my best to do the same for them. I am part of this program because NYU felt that I the best fit for their program, and I felt that I would fit best at NYU.
So, although I’d like to write in this post that the imposter syndrome got better and eventually went away, I can’t write that with honesty. What I can write with honesty, however, is that having meaningful relationships with the people around me, constantly helps remind me that I am on this path for a reason. The trust and respect I had within these relationships, whether it be friends, family, colleague, classmate, mentor, or mentee, are the greatest resource I could have in times of doubt.
Remember, too, as the years go on through PT school and beyond, you’ll always be learning, and you’ll know a lot more than you realize.
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